December 14, 2015

"I get that I’m an average-looking guy."

"I go to the gym, but destroy a pizza for dinner—this is not the means of building a six pack. Perhaps if I opted for quinoa salad instead, I could have posed topless with my briefs pulled so low that I revealed some suggestive butt cleavage as I held a mug. Perhaps then I would have gotten chosen.... The better question here is, why the hell was getting featured such a big deal for me? If I’m being honest I wanted validity from a source that wasn’t my girlfriend, a friend, or a family member to tell me I was a good-looking guy. Since social media is exactly that—social—Men & Coffee seemed the easiest way to find out, since all I’d have to do is take a picture with a cup of coffee and hashtag it.... I bought into the superficiality that accounts like Men & Coffee perpetuate, and was let down for it. I found that I am to be a mere spectator of such revered content, not worthy of adoration. The validity I already received from those close to me would have to suffice—and I guess it does."

Writes Bobby Box, who wanted to get a picture of himself holding a coffee mug on "the wildly popular Instagram account @menandcoffee." Box — love the name — has pictures of himself and of some of the great-looking guys who have gotten their pictures on the website. I'm flagging the article mostly because it's a male version of the type of article by young women that you see all the time — a person who doesn't look like a model sharing the experience of realizing that it's okay not to look like a model.

27 comments:

Meade said...

Aww

Peter said...

Many are called but few are chosen?

Well, umm, actually, not all that many are called.

rehajm said...

Titus click bait.

Roughcoat said...

Tattoos are important. And shaving one's armpits. That's what I learned from this article.

ngtrains said...

on 1960 i took a course in statistics at UW in Madison taught by Prof Box. I'd forgotten that until your post.HE was English

Fernandinande said...

C.J. Box has some good books.

chickelit said...

rehajm said...
Titus click bait.

Titus click-bate.

FIFY

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

He looks a lot like those guys. If he dropped just a few pounds, he'd probably be in. And he did everything to FIT IN, trying look like the typical Men and Coffee man, but little to STAND OUT, except be ginger, and really, despite his freckles, he's a daywalker at best. His hair isn't even red; I'll grant it's reddish-brown, but no redder than that.

tim in vermont said...

I think I am getting sick of the overexposure of beautiful people with nothing to say but who have been humored their whole life by people who just wanted to be close to them that they were interesting outside of their looks. I saw a T-Shirt that said "Music was better when it was made by ugly people." I agree.

tim in vermont said...

The other thing he might not have known is that these guys drink water by the teaspoon for the last couple of days before a photo shoot to have their muscles show like that.

JAORE said...

" a person who doesn't look like a model sharing the experience of realizing that it's okay not to look like a model. "

Within certain limits, whatcha gonna do if it's NOT OK for you? Diet? Exercise? Plastic surgery? All available. Not guaranteed, in fact not likely, to come out as Brad Pitt (or your personal flavor) at the end.

I ask on behalf of the billions of sows ears out here.

YoungHegelian said...

Years ago, me & the Mrs were watching late night TV, and the ubiquitous "Girls Gone Wild" commercial was followed by their new offering of "Boys Gone Wild", featuring buff young men baring it in public places.

The Mrs turned to me & said "You know, the men had to work a lot harder to get in those videos than the women did". I though that was an interesting observation.

mikee said...

I for one look forward to the boycott of the site by all correct-thinking males, for the body shaming this perpetuates. Snicker, guggaw, laugh....

I knew I couldn't type that out without completely losing myself to hysterical laughter. I wonder how feminists do so.

Char Char Binks, Esq. said...

YoungHegelian said...

"The Mrs turned to me & said "You know, the men had to work a lot harder to get in those videos than the women did". I though that was an interesting observation."

It's a sellers' market, and has been for some time.

Titus said...

Wow those guys are hot-most are wannabe models and personal trainers-but still dam.

When you open the scruff app the pics of the most "woofed" guys from all over the world appear-they are unbelievable looking and some get woofed millions (by local guys) of times over one pic.

I always wonder how they organize all the woofs and who they actually pick to do? That must be some screening process.

There is a guy on Grindr who if going to Harvard (phd CS) and from UK. He is over 7 feet tall,(and still growing which he says in his profile), muscular as shit, and has a 11 inch cock. He has this collection of pictures of him and normal size people and he looks like some huge freak-but he is hot looking. Also he has pics of his 11 inch cock against a yardstick with his face in it to prove that monster is really his. He is top too so he must be deluged with woofs from all the bossy Boston bottoms. His profile says, "face pick or fuck off".

Titus said...

Oh now-I blocked a guy (harvard CS 17) on grindr and he found out-I didn't know they could find that out?

I blocked him because he came after rubbing against each other for 30 seconds.

Well I gave him my phone to text me when he was here and he just texted me letting me know he found out I blocked him and apologized for cumming so soon!

While we were doing it the rare clumber ripped up his gucci jacket and he flipped out, but texted me to say he would like to see me again!

He is hot from Saudi Arabia!

What I should I do?

I wouldn't mind giving it another chance but 30 seconds and then coming? Why bother.

Meade said...

"What I should I do?"

DEAR TITUS: Your boyfriend may be feeling insecure because he is afraid of losing you. But this is what he agreed to when he let you "block" him. If you feel you need to further explore your sexuality and he is unwilling to allow it, then it's time to rethink your relationship with him because you may not be as suited to each other as you both thought.

And, by the way, the same may be true for him. If he needs someone who is a "non-blocker," then you may not be it.

Meade said...

Btw, in the future, whenever you are asking for advice — be it relationship, money, or etiquette — please address me as DEAR BLABBY and sign your comment anonymously. Thanks.

Titus said...

he's not my boyfriend blabby-that is someone else. I met a guy on grindr that told he he had two husbands but they are both in open relationships-lol.

Titus said...

Also, they don't let you block them-u just block them and their profile immediately disappears forever.

The new thing I learned is that they actually somehow can find out you blocked them-I did not know that. I think grindr should not allow that feature. I want them to disappear forever but not know they were blocked-more like they think well maybe he just got sick of grindr and quite for awhile.

el polacko said...

so now even hipster doufusses (doufi?) have to be totally ripped ?! whatever happened to the skinny geeks and the chubby teddybear dudes? i don't envy the pressure being put on young guys to meet today's standards of male beauty.

Meade said...

DEAR SICK AND QUITE FOR AWHILE: Perhaps grindr is not for you. It may be that you are just too emotionally sensitive and fragile to be engaging in what sounds like a very rough and tumble world of grindr. Whatever grindr is.

Hammond X. Gritzkofe said...

Hammond meets all criteria except the tats. Hammond would pose with his French press from Amazon. Definitely superior coffee, and an excellent gift item!

Titus said...

Meade you don't even know how rough and tumble grindr is. It is grueling. I get about 50 woofs each time I am on and the requests are endless.

You need face pics, and full body pics, and soft and hard dick pics and ass pics and flexing pics and pics at the gym and then there are the casual dress pics-what's your style. Many of them are into 420 and I am not. Any 420's are blocked immediately. You only get 5 blocks per visit though so you have to be tactful about when you block. Asking how many tats you have and where and to show them up close. Some want closeups in order to see "the whites of your eyes". And at any time you or they can block you. One not fab pic and u are done.

Then you begin the meeting portion of the experience. Host or not host? Top or bottom or vers? Grindr has a feature where you can actually send them your location. Then there is do i want to walk that far-will it be worth the walk? fyi-I only host, but last weekend I did travel for an anon.

Finally the meeting. The text is sent and you head down from the Penthouse to the foyer where Carleton the doorman is...poor Carleton. When I meet them I decide within 1 second if I ask them if they want to come up. Fortunately, through the grueling screening, I have never not asked and they have never said no-that would be devastating. And then they get in the unit and are entralled with the loft's beauty-asking me things like do you live alone here or how many people live here. Most guys in my neighborhood live in one room with multiple rooms-it is very expensive here..and fab natch. Temporarily, before we take off our clothes, I think to myself-he is going to rob me?

It is very egalitarian though-no judgments on socio-economic status-hot is hot!

Oh and then you wait for the reviews on Grindr. Everyone is a theater critic! The reviews are detailed and allow you to rate someone on a scale of 1-4 stars.

All my reviews have been 4 stars, thank God our savior! I don't review people. Some want to spend the night thoug that is a definite no for me and only happens if I had a drinky and it is 2:00 in the morning.

Titus said...

And Frank Rich's broadway reviews are nice compared to these bitchy queens.

Zach said...

What I don't get about this guy is pretty much the same thing I don't get about the women who freak out about models. Why is this the hill he chooses to die on?

The pictures he features from that site aren't men with the model look -- they are male models, or so close as to be functionally equivalent. He isn't.

They're showing a lot of skin. He's got his elbows covered and he's wearing an old flannel.

They read as about a 9 on the gay scale. He's maybe a 3.

Obviously, the people who are running this site are looking for a specific thing, and just as obviously he isn't it. So why is it so freaking important that everybody pretend he is?

Zach said...

I mean, if he wants to get on the site, he should duplicate the format: Ambiguously Gay Preteen Pinup.

Soften features, look away from camera, nonthreatening presentation.

Much better beard grooming.

Visible abs, take a diuretic to increase definition, sexualized pose, suggestion of nudity but not showing any naughty bits.

All of those things can be easily done. The men in the pictures already did them. But actually doing those things would destroy the fantasy that you already look that way without trying.